Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Da Delivery Code

A recent discovery of some ancient Qumranian scrolls in a cave near Elm Creek Park Reserve have revealed some amazing secrets regarding, among other things, a code which gives us insight as to when this baby shall be born.

The first secret contained in the code is the Two-Day Canon. If your eldest child is born on a Wednesday, your second child shall be born on a Friday. A pattern is therefore established that subsequent children shall follow in like suit: your third child shall be born on a Sunday, so clearly one can be certain that your fourth child shall be born two days later on a Tuesday. Today is Tuesday, therefore our 4th child shall be born today.

The second oracle of the code is the Even Day Revelation. If your eldest child has been born on an an even day, there is a great degree of certainty all children shall be born on even days. As our eldest was born on the 8th, our second and third were born on the 22 and 30, respectively. Therefore, we can clearly see that our fourth child shall be born today, on the 26th, an even day.

The next prognostication is the Augury of the Holiday. This one was trickier to ascertain, however, due to the missing words we had to fill in to complete the code. This secret states that if the child's mother was born on a holiday (Veteran's Day) and the child's father was not, in the year of Hare according to Chinese Zodiac, your child will not be born on a holiday (as was the case of our eldest). However, because of extraordinarily high tides and the continuing effects of El Nino, and of course the Augury of the Holiday, our subsequent children have been born on holidays: our second child on Washington's Birthday, and our third on Memorial Day. It is also noted, that because of the absence of red algae in the southern most ponds of the Seychelles islands during the Monsoon season, there is a highier likelihood (as was our case) of patriotic holidays. Today, being Independance Day North, for ex-British Somaliland, currently observed in Somalia, we can clearly see this child will be born today.

Keep watch, everyone, for the scrolls have spoken.

No comments: