I’m a hypocrite—a perfect example of why people don’t want to have anything to do with the church. Of course many people who know me on the outside don’t know that. Only those who know me best know I’m a great actor.
From the time I was very young, I spent every day of the week (literally) at the church. There I learned much about who God is, who I am, and what life is all about. When I was 5 years old, I made a decision where I talked to God in prayer and asked Him to take me to heaven when I died. That decision became my ticket to heaven. Not much changed from that point on. I lived life like every other kid, enjoying all the things kids do but in a sheltered church culture.
I tried to live that good-on-the-surface life. Why? I’m not really sure, but I think it’s mostly because I liked to please people. I wanted them to like me and living in my little bubble world surrounded by church people, I had to say the things they wanted to hear, do the things they wanted me to do, and not do what they said I should not do. And for the most part, I did that and was convinced that I was headed in the right direction. Yet, much of what that church taught me and I said I believed, I did not embrace with a full understanding.
Junior high and high school came and went and I was thought of as a pretty good kid. Throughout those years, I had learned about the world outside of the church through seasonal farm work and the Boy Scouts. There I learned that some of it was very different! During my senior year, I joined the National Guard and was exposed to more of a different world. Some of it bothered me—in a prideful way—I was too good to be like them. But some of it was enticing. For instance, in Louisiana the drinking age was only 18! And of course, when I got back to Illinois I continued to act like I was still in Louisiana—except only with certain friends.
Through my college years, I played an interesting game: live that church life but with my own definition. That is—try the things I was told are wrong and rationalize from the Bible how everyone had misinterpreted those particulars. And oh, I messed up. I messed up big time. How so? Well, I couldn’t even stick to my own definition of what was right and what was wrong! Somewhere along the way in college, a friend of mine named Kirby pointed me to a Book I had read many times but hadn’t really understood. Oh, I could talk about the Bible and quote much of it from memory. And of course, I had that ticket. But Kirby helped me see anew who God is, who I am, and what life is really all about. So I started reading the Bible again.
One of the first lessons I learned was that even with all of the evil in this world around me, there was just as much of it right inside of me. I read in the Bible that “the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked.” This wasn’t news to me in one sense: after all, I had been taught all along that all people are “sinners”—people who disobey God—and deserve to be punished in a place called Hell forever; but somehow, along the way, I had begun to think that, “Yes, I’m a sinner, but I’m a better sinner than those sinners.”
That’s when I began to understand my hypocrisy. That verse said that my inner being is more wicked than I ever imagined possible. I had defined my own laws about what was right and wrong according to the Bible, and I couldn’t even obey those! And then there was that one story in the Bible where a man asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was—in the hope that if he could keep that one, he’d be in right standing before God. Jesus’ reply was that you have to love God with all of your heart, all of your soul, and your entire mind. That kicked me in the pants pretty hard! I realized that I don’t love God entirely because if I truly did, I wouldn’t be living two different lives. I would be living a life sold out completely to him.
Then I began to look at one of those verses that I had memorized long ago and saw that there were many things in it I had never understood before. It was true that God had made me. It was true that I had sinned against that God who made me. That verse also affirmed that Jesus died for my sins, for the wicked things I had done. More than that, it said that He did it in order that He could bring me to God. Jesus’ whole purpose in dying on a cross 2000 years ago was so that HE could bring me to God. I was coming a lot closer to understanding that this life and beyond it was meant to be lived with God and that He had done what was necessary for me to be with Him—not something I myself had done. Since I couldn’t even keep my own rules (let alone His!), I saw there was no way I’d be able to prove myself as not-guilty before a Perfect Judge. Yet, I wondered, “So what should I do about the hypocrisy in my life in light of this?”
Then I found what my response should be and what God’s response to that would be and it blew me away: “Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; Let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him, and to our God for He will abundantly pardon.” I realized that my response to what God did for me in giving His only Son—Jesus—to die in my place was that I should turn away from my way of trying to make myself right with God and turn to Him alone. The Bible calls this repentance. This is what I was to do in response to believing what had already been done for me: turn away from my ways and turn to His ways. He had compassion on me and continues to abundantly forgive me of my sin!
I (and others) still continue to find elements of hypocrisy in my life today, but now I know that is why I need Jesus. I know that in response to His love, I must turn away from those areas of my life that displease God and turn to Him and thank Him for the fact that He still abundantly pardons. Do you know personally that He is willing to do the same for you? Have you looked at what the Bible says about who He is, who you are, and what He has done to bring you to Him? If you have not, please, please do, because one of those many things that I was taught as a child that I know is true according to the Bible is that sin must be punished and will be punished forever in hell if you do not repent and trust in Jesus as your only hope.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Sunday, April 17, 2011
I'm Still Here...
If you still follow blogs, and are subscribed to mine, let me know. I'm hoping to start writing again in about 3 to 4 weeks when I graduate. Post a comment here to indicate you're interested in following our lives and thoughts...
Sunday, July 04, 2010
I'll Never Forget It. Ever. (METS Part 1)
From May 15th through June 7th, I was blessed with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go on a very unique seminar to the Middle East including the countries of Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Egypt (Sinai), Israel, and finishing in Greece (METS). The nature of this trip was quite unique in that it involved an almost entirely academic group of participants from a very wide spectrum of theological positions: 6 seminaries sent 24 students on this trip-Duke, Candler, McAfee, Immanuel, Columbia, and Southern. In addition to the students, 6 lay people came on the trip as well as 2 Old Testament scholars (Dr. Max Miller and Dr. Steve McKenzie) who led us.
Any trip to anywhere with that much diversity of opinion on the Bible and all things related is bound to challenge your thinking as well as test your patience and humility. Then imagine taking that bunch to the most historically controversial areas in history and you can quickly see why one would say, "I'll never forget it. Ever."
There are so many aspects of this trip that I would love to write about such as how I ended up on this trip, what my family went through to make this happen, what I learned about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict (and what I didn't learn), why hermeneutics affects everything, what it means to be a feminist, why the atonement is so offensive, etc., etc., etc... But for most people I've been talking to--they just want to know where I went and want to see the pictures. So let's start with that...
First--the pictures: We have a website set up for all of the participants to share their pictures together. Some of us have uploaded our pictures, others are getting around to it. You can view my favorite pictures here, all of my pictures here, and everyone else's pictures here.
Second--where I went. Here's the whole sha-bang:
Any trip to anywhere with that much diversity of opinion on the Bible and all things related is bound to challenge your thinking as well as test your patience and humility. Then imagine taking that bunch to the most historically controversial areas in history and you can quickly see why one would say, "I'll never forget it. Ever."
There are so many aspects of this trip that I would love to write about such as how I ended up on this trip, what my family went through to make this happen, what I learned about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict (and what I didn't learn), why hermeneutics affects everything, what it means to be a feminist, why the atonement is so offensive, etc., etc., etc... But for most people I've been talking to--they just want to know where I went and want to see the pictures. So let's start with that...
First--the pictures: We have a website set up for all of the participants to share their pictures together. Some of us have uploaded our pictures, others are getting around to it. You can view my favorite pictures here, all of my pictures here, and everyone else's pictures here.
Second--where I went. Here's the whole sha-bang:
| May 15-16 | Orientation in Decatur, Georgia |
| May 17 | Departure—from Atlanta to Washington DC to Vienna |
| May 18 | Arrived in Vienna around 10:30 AM and departed for Damascus, Syria Arrived in Damascus in the late afternoon. Checked in at the Cham Hotel and went for a scenic view of the city. Finished the evening in a revolving restaurant overlooking Damascus. |
| May 19 | Full day in Damascus Al-Hamidiyah Souq (the market/bazaar) Al-Zahiriyah Library (brief—did not get to go into the library) Traditional site of St. Ananias House Damascus Museum—ancient artifacts including Ugarit artifacts Evening visit from Mona Muhanna (Syrian Melkite Christian) |
May 20 | Lebanon day excursion Baalbek, Lebanon—Ruins from Roman temples and Byzantine churches On to Hama, Syria for overnight, checked in at Orient House Hotel |
May 21 | Brief tour of Hama Al Nouri Zanki mosque (only visited outside) Norias (Roman water wheels) Apamea—Ruins of Roman city Krak des Chesvaliers—toured 12th century Crusader castle Checked in at the Al Wadi Hotel in Meshtayeh, Syria |
May 22 | Travelled from western Syria to the center—Palmyra, city of the palms Tombs (above and underground) at Palmyra Ruins of Palmyra Mamluk Castle at Palmyra—watched sunset from castle walls Worship service on top of castle at dusk |
May 23 | Travelled to Jerash, Jordan Jerash ruins (this was Gerasa of biblical times, one of the Decapolis cities) Spent the night at the Landmark Hotel in Amman, Jordan |
May 24 | Church of St. George—Mosaic map of biblical events Mt. Nebo—Went to the top where God took Moses to see Promised Land Al Karak, Jordan—toured Kerak Castle (12th century Crusader castle) Wadi Mujib—vast river (Arnon) canyon dividing biblical Moab from Ammon Shoubak, Jordan—very brief visit outside of Montreal (Crusader) castle Arrived at Maan, Jordan—Grand View Hotel overlooking Petra-area |
May 25 | Petra. Amazing. |
May 26 | Travelled from Petra to Aqaba, Jordan at top of Gulf of Aqaba, Red Sea Rode ferry across Red Sea gulf to Nuweiba, Egypt Drove across Sinai wilderness to St. Catherine, Egypt—Morgenland Hotel |
May 27 | Got up at 1am to ride camels up Mt. Jebel Musa (Sinai) Climbed last third of trail up Mt. Sinai to watch sunrise St. Catherine’s Monastery—ancients icons and manuscripts Nuweiba-Taba, Egypt—Stayed at Intercontinental Taba Heights Hotel |
May 28 | Crossed border into Israel at southernmost tip Travelled the whole day, Arrived in Jericho, West Bank/Israel, Intercontinental Hotel |
May 29 | Masada Fortress on eastern edge of Judqean Desert overlooking Dead Sea Caves of Qumran where Dead Sea Scrolls were discoveredBobbed in the Dead Sea |
May 30 | Back in Jericho, Tell es-Sultan—excavation of earliest settlement in Jericho Mt. of Temptation, visited Monastery of the Temptation at top Drove to Galilee region Beit Shean, Israel (ruins of Beth Shean/Scythopolis/Beisan) Mt. Arbel, Galilee—overlooking region of Galilee and city of Tiberias Worship service at Mt. of Beatitudes Guest House, where we lodged as well |
May 31 | Church of the Multiplication on the shores of Galilee Capernaum—Peter’s home and synagogue Golan Heights Tell el-Qedah—(biblical Hazor—Joshua 11), largest “tell” in all of Palestine Boat ride across the Sea of Galilee |
June 1 | Nazareth—morning after IDF commandos attacked aid flotilla Church of the Annunciation (Greek Orthodox) Basilica of the Annunciation (Roman Catholic) Jezreel Valley (very fertile) Megiddo—Solomonic gate, Ahab’s fortress, Early Bronze altar, water tunnel Caesarea Maritima—ruins on Mediterranean coast, events in Acts Drove to Jerusalem to spend the night at the Notre Dame Guest House |
June 2 | Mt. of Olives panoramic view of Jerusalem Walked from there to Old City of Jerusalem entering at the Lion’s Gate St. Anne’s Church (amazing acoustics, Ragan sang “Comfort Ye My People”) Church of Our Lady of the Spasm (Armenian),Church of St. Helen (Coptic), —Church of the Holy Sepulchre—many events in history of this building Lunch at the Arab Orthodox Society—Jerusalem Cultural Center & Museum Free afternoon and evening to roam |
June 3 | Visit to office of American Jewish Committee—Rabbi David Rosen spoke Israel Museum—scale model of 2nd Temple-era Jerusalem Shrine of the Book—Codex Aleppo, Dead Sea Scrolls Free afternoon & evening to roam (I visited the Western Wall—aka Wailing) Evening visit—Hagit Ofran, heads Settlement Watch Committee., Peace Now |
June 4 | Travelled to Bethlehem (not on donkeys) Presentation by Rev. Dr. Mitri Raheb, pastor of Christmas Lutheran Church |
June 5 | Free afternoon and evening on Hydra |
June 6 | Morning worship service on Hydra Free morning Cruise back to Athens Free late afternoon in Athens Last dinner together, outdoors at restaurant in Athens |
June 7 | 3am departure for Atlanta via Frankfurt, Germany |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
